Bounce
coming to you live from Apartment 13! I know it's been a while since I posted
on this thing, but it's been a busy year since the battle with Dominator went
down. Crime in my area has been up by about 20 percent. Also, apparently my old account got deleted
somehow.
But
that's not what your favorite Superhero follower of superheroes has been up to
this week! Some of you have probably already seen the news covering part of it!
It all
started Saturday night while I was putting the brakes on some thugs in the
area. Stopping a robbery, small time stuff, when I took a break to grab a few
burgers at McDonalds (you know those things are up to $1.90 each now??)when I
happen to take a look at my receipt and, low and behold, it's not a receipt at
all. Someone had made the place print a message instead, Just like Jose Rose
got in issue #208! It read something like "Bounce, I have a proposition
for you. Please come to [CAN'T PUT THE ADDRESS ONLINE] by Monday at 4 pm."
Can you believe that? It's my first professional masked vigilante mystery
mission! So I did the only reasonable
thing and contacted the others in the area (who STILL don't want to be
mentioned in these things, no idea why.) and let them know I would be going out
of town. An hour later my gear was packed and I had bought my plane ticket.
The
trip was boring but I arrived in California at like noon (their time), grabbed
a bite to eat, and headed to the address. Very upscale part of town. Think
REALLY upscale. Every house has a HUGE yard, a couple of pools, gardens, the
works. This place even has a gate like at the college. Way more fancy than
anyplace I have even been to.
And
standing there, apparently waiting, was KID DRAGON. The Kid Dragon, standing
outside the same house I was headed for. Not ashamed to say that I had a bit of
a fit for a second and could barely speak as I shook hands with a hero from my
top 5 list. And it turned out that he had gotten a similar message himself and
was waiting for the appointment as well.
That's
right. I got the same hero summons as Kid Dragon. Not to gloat, but you can
choke on that, Ronin.
A
moment later this guy blurs up to us. The Silver Bullet he calls himself. Came
right up and introduced himself. The
guys fast as hell. Like, apparently ran there from where ever he came from across
country on foot.
Remember
that meteor that fell a while back? The one that turned out to be some alien
transformer thing? The one that only spoke gibberish? He's going by Thingamabob
now. Still hasn't figured out English though. I never did learn HTML like I said I would to understand that thing.
He pulls up and got a freaking EMAIL summoning him. I know he said something
but at this point I just understand "true" and "false".
anything more complex than that is lost on me. Aliens are weird.
Next
comes this guy in sunglasses so dark I thought he was blind. He called himself
Rex and at THAT point I had no idea who he was. Had only heard rumors of him in
a few places. Guy can command stone. Those sunglasses? Six pounds of compressed
sand.
And then
the Avatar comes up. just walks up plain as day. Okay, sure, his powers aren't
obvious, so he can do that. But at this point I was just about ready to tear
open my backpack and demand autographs from everyone. I can't even express how
excited I was at this point. I kept thinking about how no matter how this thing
turned out, Turning point or trap, I was going to go down in the history books.
Finally,
a guy carrying a surfboard walks up and says he got the same message. I was
surprised by this guy. Total stoner type. Long hair, swim trunks, surfboard,
backpack and flip flops. He didn't fit in but he seemed to know Silver Bullet,
so I figured he had to be legit. Calls himself Jeff and he understands
Thingamabob perfectly.
So we
had an impressive group. And then there's me standing there like "Yeah...
I'm the human rubber band. The living super ball."
Then,
before I could embarrass myself, a butler (yeah. A butler. I didn't know they
were a real thing anymore.) comes out and invites us inside. He leads us into a
parlor with a whole lunch spread and waiters serving us. The works. Real
upscale. More classy than I was dressed for. I didn't feel too out of place
though because nobody really looked dressed for it.
And
then a guy in a wheelchair comes out. I almost didn't recognize him. Another
hero from my top 5. One of the greatest in the whole world and I was in the
same room as him. I can't tell you his name though. He has reasons that he
can't be public about it. Believe me when I say you would all be incredibly
jealous. I mean, number one super hero to meet and here he was. I tore open my
pack and am ashamed to say I couldn't control myself. Asked him for his
autograph before he could even talk. When he said no I just about died, but
then Kid Dragon VOLUNTEERED to sign it. So I got that! Whole trip was worth
every penny.
The guy
in the chair, we will call him Dan Gauthier or Dan, tells us that he has
summoned us there because he wants us to become a team of supers to replace him.
Passing the torch. I was speechless. See, I know the scum of New York know me.
I have beaten the tar out of enough of them that I like to think I'm the monster
under their beds.
Dan
knowing me? No way. Not likely. Dan wanting me in a group to replace him? I'm
in some dream machine and someone is toying with me. But it's real. The real deal is sitting here
saying we have three days to decide, as if we needed it. He insisted we take it
though. Big decisions shouldn't be taken lightly and all that. So we did what
anyone in LA with time to burn and a team to get to know would do: We went to
the beach.
When we
got back we were going to just veg out, do nothing. Jeff was going to smoke a
little and play a video game or something, I was going to read a little, get my
back stories fresh in my mind, when KD decided that we should all go out and
patrol. So, obviously, we did. For a few hours.
Now,
keep in mind that this is LA. So after a few hours of patrolling and NO
ACTIVITY, we started to worry. A few minutes later Jeff (SEVERAL bowls in, I think)
had rigged my goggles with a camera and storage device. See, this is where I am
still obviously just sidekick material, because I had never thought to use my
powers this way, because what KD and Avatar suggested was genius. They figured
that I am stretchy enough to stretch myself into a kind of squirrel suit. I was
terrified. Then I realized that the idea, while terrifying, could work and,
even if it failed, I would be alright. Worst case scenario I wound my pride.
There's
no delicate way to put this. Kid Dragon, grabbed me, leapt like a thousand feet
into the air, and threw me halfway into orbit. I still think I pissed myself,
though there was no sign of it when I landed. I reached the peak of the throw,
spread out at the sides, and I GLIDED AROUND FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES! That's
right. Evil beware, I am aerial now. The
whole time I was up there I was gathering footage, looking for ANYTHING going
on. I must have gotten footage of everything in a three mile radius below me,
and not a peep.
So we
took it back to Dan. Weirdest thing though, he wasn't concerned. Said that he
was aware, but that we shouldn't worry about it. We did worry about it, of
course, because... well, no crime in LA is like no crime in the Bronx. It just
doesn't happen, and if it does it means someone's planning something huge. I
imagine even Thingamabob, whose mind I can't even begin to comprehend, was
thinking "what the fuck is this??"
We
started training the next day. I can't really explain where we were to do it,
but I TOOK A NAP IN DANS JET! In the cockpit! It looks EXACTLY the way it does
in the comics. Jeff even said he could probably figure out a way to get me
flying in it. Though at that point I wasn't really that surprised by anything
Jeff did. I had seen the man build a set of high signal range communicators out
of what I suspect was a television remote some ear buds and a nug of weed.
Okay.
You guys don't care about training, so I won't go into those stories (Avatar
got knocked out twice by a simulator.) But I will say that we knew EXACTLY what
was coming on Friday and what our role would be in it. On top of that it was
going to be my first real mission besides just patrolling, so I was psyched.
Also
during training we got a new member. Apparently showed up late to the game. Some
psychic named Arcus. Mind powers are always neat, though he has the whole
"Mysterious good guy" thing going for him. Talking to himself and
what not. A pretty good guy to have on the team though, I think.
So the
mission started at 7 am Friday when Dragon (he changed his name like two days
earlier) got us all out of bed for briefing and planning. Our goal was a guy
named Morpheus. He used to be a small time player, minor TK and an anarchy
thing going for him, but now he had gotten into bigger things. Bombings and
some weird sonic screech thing. So no longer just a chump. We received intel
stating he had paid off all the gangs in the area to keep quiet but none of
them knew what the guy paying them looked like. Luckily for us, our new guy did
some of his mind freak mumbo jumbo and got us a bust of the big bads face. That
Arcus guy... I expect someone to pick up a comic deal with him pretty quick.
We
suspected that at the Heroes Memorial reveal Morpheus was going to try to blow
up the statues with all of the assembled superheroes feet away. That would have
meant about six tons of shrapnel launched like missiles into the likes of
Tempest and Jambot and Kinesis and god knows how many other supers and
civilians. So the idea was to find him before he even got into the area, all of
us watching from roof top and Jeff scanning the crowd with drones. SB was even
going building to building, sweeping floor by floor looking for the guy. We
were doing good work, but it really was a shame I couldn't be down there for
the commemoration ceremony. Beautiful speeches. A thousand autograph
opportunities.
So,
first thing we saw was about a half hour in about two dozen thugs separated
from the crowd at random and started heading out in the same direction. Really
synchronized stuff. So Arcus politely escorted them to a roof top (Psionics!
How do those work?) where he and Dragon interrogated them. they were a decoy
group apparently. Paid to go to the ceremony and leave promptly at 11:30 pm. It
was at that point I suddenly made a connection. All big bad plans in my comics
happen at the strike of SOMETHING. The bad guy always pulls off the big
surprise on the hour, give some monologue, and then light the fuse.
I told
everybody this. I don't think they realize how dead on I was but that's okay. I think I need to get a
degree in criminal psychology or something.
Regardless,
at noon they started dropping the curtains around the statues. I admit I
couldn't look away. So many died last year. Dominator is responsible for the
deaths of so many people, it was good to see a memorial for the ones who
stopped him.
This is
the part you all probably have seen a thousand times already on YouTube and the
news. Morpheus just appeared on top of the statue of Goliath, laughing like as
huge a stereotype as you've ever seen, and half the city's thugs show up and
start charging the crowd of supers. I still wonder if any of them really
thought they stood a chance.
Things
got crazy real fast at that point. Rex raised up this massive stone shell
around the statues and Morpheus ended up on top of it. Silver Bullet ran in for
a distraction, trying to land a punch but... well, I imagine aiming a punch
properly at a thousand miles an hour must be damn tough. Avatar and Dragon were
next in. I don't know what they did cause I was doing something that sounded
really stupid in my head. In the videos I can tell Morpheus must have gotten in
one of his shouts at some point though.
See, I
was kind of emotional over the statues when Morpheus showed up. And then the
thought of him smashing them in some kind of massive hand grenade... I wasn't
going to let that happen. So I dove off the building, spread out like before,
and dive bombed the bastard. Just let myself splash over him on impact. It was
at EXACTLY that moment that I realized that I had no idea if I could hold him
if he screeched in there while I was holding him. I was more than a little
scared of how my organs would react to that little bit of terror, when Silver
Bullet streaks by, grabs me by the belt, and starts dragging me, parcel and
all, toward the ocean. Now, If I was more clever I might have popped off with
some clever catchphrase. But mostly I was focused on holding the bastard in my
chest and hoping I wasn't about to get punted into a building to try to knock
the guy inside unconscious.
And
suddenly I was, not only in the water, but being dragged deeper. See, Silver
Bullet is apparently aquatic too. So we were drowning the guy and hoping he
could be resuscitated. Brilliant plan really except, when I released Morpheus
to Silver Bullet to finish that process, I remembered I don't have any incredible
expanding lungs. So I was left swimming upward, feet spread into paddles as
much as possible with no real effect. I think at one point I blacked out.
Luckily, Avatar was on the surface and saved the world from wondering what fate
had befallen the most elastic man on the planet. Also, I ride a wave about the
same way as I do a surf board: end over end, screaming.
So,
Morpheus survived the deep sea, just barely. He was transported to his new
prison home the next day, heavily sedated. I think Thingamabob provided the
transport. I was a little busy recouping in Dans kitchen.
So
that's it! Issue number one of our adventures! I am really wondering what the
next one is going to be, but if anyone wants to buy up the rights for a comic
book about me, my PO box is at the bottom of the page! You could get in on the
ground floor of an up and coming super team!
This is
Bounce signing off! Keep an eye here for updates!